Surviving, both of us

Know this about me…I am not good under the pressures of giving care to someone bleeding, hurting, or in need of care beyond the basic measure…period. I cannot help that. It’s just the way our maker designed me. Besides, He blessed me with many other good qualities and abilities to compensate for what and where I lack. But He does that for everybody and this is why we are all unique and special. God blessed me with a husband, a true helpmate that is a great care giver and has been the care giving rock in our family by cleaning up vomit, bloodied knees, cuts, scrapes and various other things that our children drug us through. I say that with a pound of sugar and heaps of love because parents will understand that our children do indeed drag us through some crap at times but we love them for it.

So when we learned that my husband needed sinus surgery, neither one of us panicked. Chalk that up to ignorance, denial, and delusion. My husband never worried that I would be able to care for him after his surgery and I never considered the aftermath of sinus surgery. He was in denial and I was in a surrendered state of ignorance. My delusional state came upon me later when the recovery room nurse explained to me how to clean and dress his nose, oozing with blood.

The nurse carefully explained all the steps that I needed to take to monitor the bleeding, control the bleeding and clean the area. I was listening with intensity and false confidence, otherwise known as delusion. She asked if I had any questions to which I replied a delusional “no”. With my signature on his discharge papers, she led me into his room. I took one look at him and the strange smell of fainting began to seep into my mind. I excused myself right before my knees buckled and stepped out of the room, nurse in tow. I suppose she was puzzled. Just a few minutes earlier I showed extreme dedication to care for my husband and now I was a hot mess of dry heaves with wet beads on my forehead and upper lip.

There in that hospital hallway with folks watching on in confused attention, I spoke a nice motivational speech to myself and pulled it together. In my state of panic sickness, I probably couldn’t call on the great quotes from Zig or Teddy Roosevelt or Tommy Franks so I am sure my speech was my own redneck version of “pull your big girl panties on and just do it for the love of Pete!” And who is Pete, anyway??? Well, I sure don’t know who Pete is but whoever he is he helped my pull on my girl drawers and get on with the gettin’ on. In the words of another famous redneck…”I got ‘er done”.

It was painful to suppress the mental and physical attacks of a weak stomach but I conquered. I got him home. I followed the instructions for managing the after effects of his surgery and I must say that I was quite proud of the fact that I was able to care for him and care for him GOOD. I was able to find the strength to rise above my own inabilities and do what needed to be done. This was a huge feat for me. While it’s just day 2 and probably too early to declare final victory, I am glad to report that we both are surviving.

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