Yes, you read it right but first allow me a few sentences to set the stage for this post. I will assume that my readers understand what a pap smear is and who gets them so I will bypass that portion and get to the other stage notes.
Two years ago I left my office job at a large manufacturing plant after nineteen years and moved on to a new thing. Recently, I went back to visit the people I worked with for those many years. Amid the hugs and the smiles, I learned that the company had implemented a new benefit since my leaving. I learned that the company had hired an on-site nurse practitioner and ANY employee can go see said nurse practitioner ANYTIME and WITHOUT a co-pay. Needless to say, I was wowed. This is a huge benefit for their employees and one that caused me a temporary moment to question my decision to leave my post. I mean think about it…if you could skip down the hall and get your yearly physical as opposed to driving to the next town wasting gas and time, waiting an hour past your appointment in a waiting room with people hackin’ and sneezin’ and wheezin’, wouldn’t you consider it a perk? Yesiree, I thought so.
As if I wasn’t impressed enough already by the mere fact of the on-site nurse, my toes tingled after hearing the list of things this nurse practitioner can do IN the on-site office, ANYTIME and WITHOUT a co-pay. For example, the nurse can draw blood and get it checked for whatever they check it for. The nurse can check your blood pressure to ensure your blood is moving at a normal rate. Said nurse can conduct physical exams, perform EKGs, handle workplace accidents and emergencies, prescribe treatment plans, write prescriptions, AND do pap smears. Yes!, pap smears…if you are so inclined.
My mouth flew open and my jaw hit the floor upon hearing this tid bit. I doubled over in pain from the laughter that ensued and I could not stop the instant onslaught of visions rushing through my head. And believe me, I wanted to stop the visions cause there aint nothing cute about gettin’ one of them tests especially in an office in the middle of a manufacturing plant. I could almost hear the “beep-beep-beep” of the tow truck as it zoomed up and down the aisle near the paper thin door while my unclothed yonder regions were hiked up and strapped onto those leg and foot supports. Furthermore, I imagined overhearing the muffled sounds of men and women’s voices on their two-way radios as they called out for someone to clean up the spill in the break room and other important tasks.
I broke free from my pap smear visions only to chuckle about it with my friends. I absolutely wasn’t poking fun and making jokes at the expense of those who chose to partake in the service because on a very serious note, LADIES…THIS IS AN IMPORTANT TEST and one you should have every year or two. I was simply laughing at the very thought of my own self exposed there on the pap test table. I applaud the company for providing the services of a nurse practitioner for their employees and I could not be more pleased that they have done so but as for me and my pap tests, well, we will see the doctor, two towns away.